Dear Liz,

A few weeks ago on a trip with my sisters I meet the man of dreams. He’s perfect in every possible way. The problem is that I’m getting married in a few weeks! I do love my fiancé deeply, but meeting this new guy has turned my world upside down. I can’t stop thinking about him. If I leave my fiancé, who’s a great guy, I’d appear to be this horrible person. But what if this new guy is my true Mr. Right? Help me out Liz?!

- Confused Chicana, Chicago Il.

Dear Confused,
I have to be honest with you, if you think you just met the man of your dreams and you can’t stop thinking about him, your fiancée is not making himself memorable and I don’t think you’re in love with him. If you have room to doubt getting married, then you shouldn’t be. If you found another guy attractive and think he might be Mr. Right you should ask yourself what does your fiancée lack? What is it that you don’t like from your fiancée that is making you second-guess your relationship. When you’re in love you put up and bypass a lot of things you wouldn’t tolerate from just anyone. Are you ready to do that with your fiancée? You need to figure out if you are still romantically in love with your fiancée. Marriage is a serious commitment that many take lightly. It’s rare that people are truly in love now-a-days. And its common that people just settle for something good. When you are in love, there is no room for anyone else, unless you’re a jerk that gets carried away and want to fuck anything that walks. If you think that there truly is a Mr. Right and you got the chance to meet him, I hope you fucked him and at least know how you will be getting it in bed! I am so sorry that I didn’t make this easier for you but you have to know what you’re getting into. Are you willing to take the chance and find out? What’s important is that you are happy, fuck what everybody says or might say.

Liz,

I’ve been having a really tough time with Internet porn lately. It isn’t like I’m having a problem with the ladies or anything, but I can’t seem to stop watching porn. What the hell is up with me? I’m juggling 3 hot chicas right now, but as soon as I get home I NEED my porn fix. I need it at home, on my Sidekick, and at work. I didn’t think it was a problem until I found myself spending about $300 per month on this “habit”! What should I do to curb my appetite?

- Porno Pedro, Parkersburg W.Va.

Dearest Pedro,

Listen, porn is ok if you love having sex. But if you think of it all the time, then you might need to get some help. Seek the professional services of a therapist. It’s ok to want to have sex all the time but not watch it and run up your bills because of it. You should not hesitate and ignore your problem because it might affect any relationships you have. You don’t want to be considered some type of pervert.

Hola Liz,

I’m currently seeing an older man. I’ve always been into older guys but my new boyfriend is my dad’s friend from back home in Puerto Rico. He’s 30 years older than me, but I feel that we are kindred souls. We don’t care much for the age difference but I’m sure my parents wouldn’t approve. We’re looking to move in together, but I need to tell my parents. I love them and tell them everything, but I’m sure this will bring some tension between us. How do I break the news to them? I’m just no sure how to do this…

-Eager in East Harlem, NY NY
I think 30 years is a big difference in age. Age is not just a number because there exists a difference in experience. This is where you may have conflict. Statistically that is a huge age difference that doesn’t always work out. If you think you guys are meant for each other then why not go for it? As long as he’s fulfilling your needs then be happy with him, life is short and you don’t know how long were here for. Now don’t forget that if you are here for a long time and so is he, age will matter later because you both are clearly not going to “age” together at the same pace, “if you know what I mean”. Everyone has needs. Live your life to the fullest and do whatever makes you happy. And by the way the decisions you make are not going to change the way your parents care for you. Remember that no matter how happy you want to make your parents they can’t live your life for you. They already have their own. They’ll just have to get used to it. You never mentioned how old you are?

Addy,

I’m a young, single, successful and beautiful Latina. Guys are always complementing me on my good looks and I don’t want to appear conceited but I don’t have a problem getting dates. I’m kinda seeing this one guy that’s broke, not that handsome, and pretty dumb. The only thing that keeps me coming back to this loser is the amazing sex. How did we even get this far? He was a maintenance man at my firm’s office and we took things way too far at last year’s Christmas party. Now I cant have enough of him. I don’t want him to take me out, spend money on me, or even be seen with him. I just want the sex and nothing else. Am I wrong for feeling this way about a guy I have no real emotional ties to? When should I cut things off with him? It’s only been 5 months of this… Has it already been too long? Aye, ayudame Liz…

-Successful & Single, Sacramento, Ca.
There’s nothing wrong with having fun as long as it doesn’t interfere with your career. What if you really do like the guy but he just doesn’t meet your standards? Would you consider trying to work something out with him? You can try to mold him you know. Looks aren’t everything and if he turns you on that’s great. What’s the point of being with a dude that looks good and is a lame in bed?! And if you only want him for the sex make it clear to him that that’s all you want. Have fun while you are still single with no ties because you will never get that time back.

Dear Liz,

My mother keeps playfully playing with my new boyfriend. The problem is that her playful ways are very sexual in nature to the point that it’s making me uncomfortable. She constantly walks around the house in very revealing clothing whenever my man is visiting us. Sometimes, she simply walks around in a large t-shirt and NO underwear! I’ve spoken to her several times about it, and every time she swears she’ll stop. She NEVER stops Liz! Please help!

-Bummed out in Bed Study

Liz: You can’t stop your mom from flirting if she’s a flirt. If she has promised to stop and she hasn’t she’s being disrespectful and you should confront her on that. Ask her why she even hangs around you guys when he is over. Does she have a man of her own? Does your boyfriend say anything about her playing around? Do you think your boyfriend likes her or finds any attraction towards her? If you happen to second guess your boyfriend then you should break up w him, but if only your mom is the problem your man should be telling her something too. And hang out with him in private. Why is your mom around anyway? She seems to be looking for attention. Maybe you should give her some and try to find out why she acts out to be slut.

Dear Liz,

So my girl keeps accusing me of cheating on her constantly. I’ll admit that I did about 6 months ago, and yes I got caught. But now, no matter what I do, she doesn’t seem to trust me at all. She’ll call me at the oddest hours at work, at home, in the car on my way to work and on and on… She’s even developed the habit of just showing up at my place, regardless of whether it’s an appropriate time or not. The other day my parents were visiting from Paraguay and she comes storming in causing a scene just because it took me long to open the door. I love this girl, but I’m getting pretty tired of this. Is she the one cheating now? Or will this just pass? What should I do Liz?

-Fed up in Far Rockaway

Liz: This is easy to answer but I know it will be difficult to do. If you got caught cheating and you really do love her you are going to have to do a whole lot of extra shit to get that trust back. If you guys talked about working it out, its not gonna work until she lets go of the fact that you cheated. If she hasn’t let it go, then I’m sorry to say you guys will get nowhere. Sometimes you have to break up and stay away for a while so she can get over being mad at you for cheating on her. If she’s still mad about it, she won’t see beyond that. She is going to continue acting out on it and annoying you, and turning you off at the same time. Sit and have a talk about coming up with the right plan to help your relationship. If she doesn’t trust you it won’t work. So now you have to work on trust and not being together. Again the only way it will get anywhere is if you guys really love each other. You need her to respect you again and be about what you say. You have to leave your pride aside and do anything for her to show her she can trust you. On another note, why did you cheat?

Dear Liz,

I swear this bitch in the cubicle next to me is trying to steal my job and perhaps even my man! My man works in the same office building as she and I but he works on a different floor. To make matters worse, she and I are up for the same promotion. Between her flirtatious ways with my man and the constant stress of the project I’m working on, I can’t seem to focus on work. I’m scared she may get the promotion and steal him all at once. What can I do?

- Stressed in Seattle

Liz: First of all if you are not confident and secure of yourself you are not getting that promotion. If you are up for a promotion what made you a candidate? Whatever your company saw in you, you need to keep that up. And you are not competing for your man if he’s already your man. Why would you think another female can just take your man? Make sure your taking care of your man and he has no reason to go anywhere. And never show a man your insecurities let alone another female!!!! That is very unattractive. Be a professional. Be confident about yourself. And by the way if you have things to work on to make yourself feel better as a person in whole find out what they are. You have to be happy with yourself before you are successful in all different aspects of your life. And if you work with your man try to be spontaneous without getting into trouble. If that female is deliberately disrespecting your man…. beat her ass!!!

Que Pasa Liz?

My closest friend died about a year ago. Since then, his widowed wife and I have been spending tons of time together. I never meant to push up on her, but between our mourning, she and I have found something special. We’re thinking of taking things further and moving in together but we’re terrified of what our friends and loved ones will think. Should we even discuss it with them? We’d like to stop hiding what we have.

-Love after Death, L.A.

Liz: Wow!!!! I think that it’s ok that you be together. He’s not here anymore and there’s nothing you can do about that. Do you have to break that down to children or just family? Honestly, I think its ok. Life goes on, and it’s very short. Be happy while you are here. And if you have not watched “Pearl Harbor” you two MUST take the time out and watch that movie. It may make you feel a bit better about the situation.

Hello everyone! Thanks for all the kind words and great support. The emails coming in have been absolutely overwhelming…in a good way

I’ve brought back Hek to continue to provide another set of eyes and ears to the Love and Life questions and conundrums you all send in. With that said, let’s get right into the most pressing questions that hit my inbox…

My Dear Liz,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he  once. I found out because I was snooping through his emails and  emails between him and this girl. We eventually mended our problems and promised never to check his emails again, but I have been and he’s  writing to some chick he met in San Diego during his last trip. He’s planning to
go to California again in a few weeks and I don’t want him to know I  his trust again, but I know something is going on and can’t stand it!  want to confront him, but since I’m in the wrong, I don’t want him flip it on me. How can I confront him and not be the bad guy?

-Snooping in SoHo, NY NY

Hek: Hey Snoop, stop fooling yourself and give up on him already. You are wasting your time because this jealousy will always get the best of you regardless of what he is or isn’t doing.

Liz: Good job Hek! You’re finally coming around. As for you Snooping, he violated your trust first. All you are doing by still checking his email is trying to prove to yourself that he has been behaving himself and doing you right. That’s normal. You may have mended your problems but what he is doing is cheating one way or another. I’m sure you have other reasons for checking through his stuff in the first place. What are you going to do about it? Don’t check if you are not going to do anything about it. Then what’s the use of snooping? You can only be happy when you do what’s good for yourself first.

Mira Liz,

After almost 10 years, I reunited with my first love. It was so innocent that we never shared anything but a tap kiss. Life has been so for me so running into him and rekindling our puppy love has new meaning to my life. The thing is he’s stuck in a relationship and  girlfriend tricked him into getting her pregnant. Now his  is calling me, telling me not to call him, email him or send him  messages, but she doesn’t understand him and knows she tricked him She told him that if he doesn’t stop calling me, she’ll abort the kid  I know how much he wants to be a father, even if he doesn’t love her.
We talk on the phone and he’s so miserable with her, but can’t find  way out because he doesn’t want to hurt his child. I want to be  for him, but how can I get his girlfriend to let him go? He doesn’t work but is looking for a job so he can move to Connecticut with me.

- Confused in Connecticut, Stamford, Ct.

Hek: Confused, this has Maury written all over it. Stop being a home wrecker and get an available dude!

Liz: Uh, this is a tough one Confused. It will eventually work out if you guys love each other. He needs to play his part if he really wants that baby to be born. He doesn’t have to stay with his girlfriend but for the time being he can act like he is if she won’t take no for an answer. If she doesn’t understand that he doesn’t want to be with her he really has to get away after the baby is born. You need to support him in what he does if you guys are at a level of understanding the situation.

Liz,
I’m currently six months pregnant and I love my boyfriend but not sure if feels the same for me. I still live at home with my parents and he’ promised to move me in to his place, but I don’t see it happening. He travels a lot work and sometimes gets into these fits and tells me he doesn’t love me and hates my body and just puts me in a depressed mood. I’m afraid for my baby and hate the way I feel, but when I tell him to leave me alone, he apologizes and tells me it’s stress from work and that me and the baby are the best things that happened to him. I’m really emotional and
so confused. When it’s good it’s good, but the bad times are more frequent and what if he doesn’t want to marry me? I feel stuck and want a family but I’m not sure how I can deal with his bipolar behavior.

- Depressed Dominicanita, Paterson, NJ

Hek: Dimelo, DR! I feel for you my pretty dominicanita. Keep the baby and keep it moving. He doesn’t love you and he’s not going to change.

Liz: You need to love yourself first and your baby. You don’t need to be unhappy with someone that mistreats you. Keep in mind that people rarely change unless they seek help. If your boyfriend abuses you verbally you don’t want to have your child in that environment. You can hurt your child that way emotionally mentally and sometimes physically. Don’t overrate your pregnancy. Just because you are pregnant does not mean you have to get married. Get married for the right reasons. Make sure you love that person and that they love you back.

Hola Liz,
I’ve been with my girl for the last three years and she’s perfect. She has a beautiful body, face and she’s smart and supportive. The thing is, I kinda like this guy. In college, I tried the bisexual thing and liked it, but there’s no way I can tell my family that I like guys so I got with my girl and even when I can’t perform, she’s still with me. Now she wants to get married and settle down, but I don’t know if I can live a lie like that. I want a family and have tried to get men out of my mind, but I can’t. I want to come clean, but the thought of hurting everyone - my girl, my family…I just can’t do it. How can I make these feelings stop?

- El Homie, Boston, Mass.

Hek: Homie, face that you are gay and stop playing with that girls’ feelings. Your family will accept you the way you are, and if they don’t, caramba, at least you got yourself a boyfriend.

Liz: You need to do the right thing and come clean. Whoever loves you will accept you for who you are. You can’t help how you feel about men. You shouldn’t stay with a female to cover up your true preference. It isn’t right. This is going to hurt her but if you stay with her you’re going to end up cheating on her anyway. Don’t marry her. Be honest with at least her if not your family.

Lizzy Liz,

There’s this girl I like but she’s so into fashion and traveling and I’m afraid that my pockets aren’t as deep as she’d like them to be. She says its okay that I don’t have money to take her the places she likes, but I see her eyes wander when she sees hot cars and guys with money. She’s really cool and down to earth, but I’m not sure if she’s for real. We have a
casual relationship and there’s no strings attached, but I’m falling for her and don’t want to be a sucker. Should I put myself on the line or just let her go and find another who’s not influenced so much by material things?

- Dinero Deficient, Mayaguez, Puerto Rico

Hek: Dinero, shorty seems she’s about the dough. The best thing for you to do is to leave her ass alone. You won’t b able to keep up with her tastes. Just get yourself a girl without money like you and be happy with being broke.

Liz: Dinero D. Hek sounds as if he’s been through this himself. But ask yourself: Can she afford the finer things herself? Does she need you or someone else to get it for her? There’s nothing wrong with wanting the finer things in life but you either should be on the same level financially or at least be economically compatible. If you want to be with her; then step up your life’s game plan. She is either ambitious or a gold digger. Having ambition helps make people successful. If you see yourself being a lot simpler and content with your lifestyle you need to keep doing whatever makes you happy. Meet half way if you have to but make sure she is really into you. You will find out as long as you don’t smother her.

Have any questions or comments for Liz? You can reach her anytime at loveandlife@americanisado.com

Life brings us new experiences on a daily basis. Whether there is something negative or positive going on in your life, it’s up to you to grow as an individual and learn from it or dwell on it. If you want to face the truth about certain things and are ready for someone that won’t “sugar coat” your questions to life in general, come and write me. I’ll give you my point of view on your most intimate love and life stories that you don’t even want your “BFF” to know. Feel free to ask me, Liz, about all that’s going on in your mind.

With this installment I’ve decided to get the male point of view to your questions from my friend Hek. Now, I’m not so sure he can provide anything good by way of actual advice. However, let’s throw you guys out there a bone by getting one of you on board with us.

Dear Liz,

My boyfriend accused me of not being sexy so he suggested I kiss
another girl to prove my love to him. I did as he said and now I’ve developed
feelings for this girl and I like her. I’m so confused as to whether I
like girls or if it’s just a phase. I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend
as it can bruise his macho ego. Is it cheating if I date the girl without
him knowing?
- Wash Heights Girl with a Girl, NY NY

Hek: I like your boyfriend. It seems like the guy has a good head on his shoulders. I think you should initiate a threesome. It’ll strengthen that bond like nothing else.

Liz: Nice one Hek. Seriously though Wash Heights, if your partner accused you of not being sexy what did you kissing a girl have to do with it? That’s not going to make you sexier; it either will show the freaky side of you or your true preference. If he loves you why would he share you anyway? It seems to me that you are the one with the bruised ego proving to him you can be sexy. If you now feel that you like this girl you shouldn’t feel guilty. He asked for it. He put you in that position. It is cheating if you and him are officially a couple but he had everything to do with that if this is truly the first girl you kissed.

Liz,

My mother is into dating younger guys. She always has some new guy
hanging around and this one guy is really nice and we started to like each
other. Now my mother wants a relationship with this guy and so do I. I
hate the thought of her being with him, but not sure how to approach
the situation. I want to be with him and don’t care if he dated my mother. How can I tell my mother without ruining our relationship?
- Miami Mami, Miami Fl.

Hek: I Love Miami! Listen, you should just tell your mom how you feel about him. If you can’t come to an agreement then share him! Trust me, it works.

Liz: Wow, you’re two for two Hek. Keep up the awesome work.
The first thing you have to ask yourself is, if you two end up in a relationship, are you going to think he still has feelings for your mom? Has he showed you how he feels about you? If the feeling is mutual about one another then you can tell your mom. He should be the first one letting her know that he is not interested in a relationship with her.

I’ve had to work late on a project for the last two weeks and my girl
has been waiting for me with my roommate, but she’s been touchy feeling
with him and I suspect that something is going between them. She
invites him to come out with us and is always acting weird. What can I do to
find out without making my girl think I don’t trust her?
- Bummed in the Bx, Bronx, NY

Hek: Good news and bad news Bummed: Bad news is your girl is playing you with your roommate. That’s not your girl she’s just a jump off. Good news is if you’ll let me get her number, I can teach her a lesson…

Liz: Bummed, try to set her up if you really do think something is going on. Do you always call before you go home? Show up early. If you really want to find something out you also have to prepare yourself for what you are going to do about it. Try to record video at home; there are plenty of things you can do if you don’t want to accuse her without being sure.

I’ve been dating this guy for six months now and our relationship is
great. We spend lots of time together, we even said the big three: “I love you”. But, I
still haven’t gone to his place or met any of his friends. What’s even worse is that we have NEVER had sex. I want our relationship to move forward, but every time I bring up the subject, he pulls away and doesn’t want to talk about it. I really love him and I feel he loves me too, but am I being too needy? How can I get him to communicate without losing our relationship? Help Liz!!

- Love Sick in East New York, Brooklyn NY

Hek: Love Sick, he’s telling you what you want to hear and obviously you are number “2.” Or number 3, or perhaps number 4…

Liz: Love Sick, Hek might be on to something, but then again if you are two adults that have not been intimate the only reason I can think you have not been to his house or met his parents are for religious beliefs. Other than religion being the issue it sounds as if he may be hiding something important from you and you need to find out what it is before you fall in too deep and get hurt. Trust me, there is something he doesn’t want you to know.
Have any questions or comments for Liz? You can reach her anytime at loveandlife@americanisado.com